Thursday, December 01, 2016

Prospect Park - DDATHTL


Dogs dream about the humans they love.

Okay.  

I'll buy that.  Why not?  What else do they dream about?  How would she explain the noises she makes when she's sleeping, could she speak?  

What do I dream about?  

I dream about the humans I fear.  And other things I fear.  I fear that my I's are too close together, but yes. I dream about the humans I fear.  I dream about them a lot.  

I fear other things as well.  It's not just about people.  

It scares me that I've got more debt than it seems I ever had money in the bank.  It feels like the hole is bottomless and I keep going down.  I need a miracle.  Or a lottery win.  Same thing really, no?  

I fear I will never finish a memoir.

I fear that I will finish it.  

I can tell you that I know a lot more about the meanings of words so writing should be easier than it is.  I now know the difference between fright and dread.  I have felt them both.  The fear I have now is mostly dread and it used to be fright.  One day I will be able to explain the difference, or maybe you will feel it first and know without me telling you.

Maybe you already know.  

Seriously though.  Do I have a miracle left in me?  Do I have a memoir in me?  Will it be an exit or a trap door?  Fuck it.  

Look at the pictures.  

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