It speaks to the nature of cynicism itself that events of the last few days have left me so profoundly disappointed. It falls into the 'hope for the best but expect the worst' category, maybe. I woke up this morning and thought for an instant that I'd dreamed it. Then there was a moment of "maybe it won't be all so bad." Then there was the despair of realizing that Rudolph Giuliani could end up being Attorney General, or worse on the Supreme Court.
I've steered away from politics here, for the most part, for the last year or so. It was just more than I could handle with all the other transitions and emotions. Talking about it further, having read and listened to all the nonsense on a daily basis, seemed redundant, and my feelings were clear enough that they didn't have to be worked out in a place where it's mostly about throwing down feelings like dice to see how they roll out.
So what now? What's the plan for the next four or more years, provided I'm "blessed" with four years at all, or one?
Dip back into activism on some level, or just find a way and a place to be useful to people.
Try to create something of beauty.
Talk about art.
Make music or support those who do.
Appreciate little things more.
Try to slow down daily living to the point where little things can even be seen.
Smile at people.
Say good morning.
Hand out sandwiches.
Live well? Isn't that the best revenge?
What else do you do when hate and intolerance win? It was hardly a national consensus with Hills taking the popular vote by a relatively slim margin, but the other side definitely won. I think it won specifically because even those caught up in the deepest cynicism (people like me) didn't truly believe that it was possible so we didn't turn out for the fight. I think that beneath it all we believed that decency could and would prevail, but that's the nature of the beast, isn't it? You have to value something to be disappointed if and when it doesn't happen.
So now we have a pimp for a President and a small cadre of weirdo racists and megalomaniacs for a cabinet... an anti-science goofball as Vice-President. In my heart of hearts I don't even believe that a lot of the people who voted for him have any faith at all that he is fit for the job, or won't make a mess of it. It's a tantrum. It's a white-people going to pick up their toys because they didn't get their way tantrum. Not even overtly racist so much as hey you're not paying attention to me tantrum. Freud was right on some levels, but who knew that it all applied to crowds? We are a nation fixated at the Anal Stage.