Monday, August 08, 2016

The Final Solution, Part 2


I am apparently in violation of at least several unwritten social contracts.  There are confidentiality or maybe non-disclosure agreements that prohibit the discussion of suicide, or one's own suicidal ideation unless it is of course a veiled cry for help, OR unless it is packaged in an inspirational message or meme about how life is really wonderful and if you just give it a shot, blah blah blah.  

People get all squirrelly if you bring it up.  Are they afraid that you'll actually do it?  And if that's the fear are they truly interested in your safety or is there a part of it that is more about their feelings of helplessness...

OR OR OR... 

Are they afraid that they won't be able to provide one valid, logical reason that you shouldn't...

AND AND AND... 

That they're terrified that they couldn't come up with a good reason why they shouldn't as well?

Now I'm just being mean.  I don't like being told what I should and shouldn't talk about.  I find it fucking offensive.  Any of the scenarios above, by the way, are possible, including the last.  There are those whose biggest fear will be that they too have thought about it, and they're afraid to think about it again, etc.  There are those who will feel guilty.  There are those who will feel angry, and that anger could be for a number of reasons.

But nobody needs me to pontificate on any of that.  My point is that this is one of those third rail topics that people like to keep out of sight.  I'm not good at that.  I don't do 800 lb. gorillas.  Not if they're mine anyway.  I'll respect your wishes not to address yours, whether or not I, along with the rest of the world, see them.  Ring me if you need a hand with them.  Otherwise... 

I may or may not continue along this thread.  Most of my blog-life is about thinking out loud.  Having had the day to think about the topic, and my original intent, it got bigger and more complicated than I had planned.  It may be better to shelve public disclosure until my thoughts are fully formed.  

Suffice for now to say that I am not thinking about topping myself.  

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