Monday, August 08, 2016

Kind of an audio gospel of loneliness... a hymnal?

And finally, Monotony... maybe you just have to have been there?

And hence, somewhere in a fit of insomnia, and I will continue to call them fits because despite the terrible stillness and silence, it is a state of panic no different than a seizure.  It's a fit if you're frozen stiff dreading morning... but somewhere in a fit of insomnia a couple years ago, there's Willis Earl Beal, just trying to figure things out, just like me.

"He is "getting further into 'nobody' ideology and nothingness. I am becoming more antagonistic than I have ever been. I feel limited, pressed down and completely helpless in a machine that just keeps on moving." ~ from The Guardian last year. (click for entire article)

Yep.  I get that.

"I'm not insane. I just had a few hard times in my life and a bit too much solitude, and it pushed me to the edge."

"I turned myself into a myth as a survival mechanism..."

Yah, I'm feeling that too but don't take it too seriously.  I've been up since 3am and there were no imaginary monsters under the bed.  There were no personal demons.  There are circumstances that... well, there are circumstances.  I have a lot on my mind.  Giving every fit of insomnia a soundtrack takes the edge off.  Willis Earl Beal worked for this one.  

“That's the advantage of insomnia. People who go to be early always complain that the night is too short, but for those of us who stay up all night, it can feel as long as a lifetime. You get a lot done” ~ Banana Yoshimoto

Okay, that's cute.  I got nothing done.  There was a lot of circling back around a lot of things that you can't really address at 3 in the morning, or 4 or 5 or 6.  Then the alarm rings almost an hour ago and it's time to get up and get to all the things that I'm now too exhausted to handle safely or productively.

Do not operate heavy machinery.  Do not operate a moving vehicle.

No I'm not going to do either of those things.  I'm just going to try to get through today.  That's it.  

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