Saturday, August 27, 2016

Cluster headache?  Maybe.  I'm not really sure anymore.  It doesn't feel the same this time and the pain hasn't fully gone away for days.

What does it feel like?  Well, sort of like this image here and I regret not being able to credit the artist but it came up randomly in a search for "migraine."  It's close enough for the easier moments though it doesn't really describe the rolling waves of pain.  It's tempting to use the word 'tsunami" as it comes in like that, one wave after another and building in depth as the next wave holds the last in.  It feels more like one of those deep rolls of thunder though, the kind that rumbles in, increasing in sound and intensity, and you can feel it in your chest and the foundation of the house.

How do you describe pain?  How do you use words to differentiate between a burn and an ache?  Between bad and really really bad, and oh god damn this is really fucking bad?

Have you broken a bone?  It's like a broken bone in the head.

Have you been hit in the head with a hammer? (I have, by the way.)  It's like being hit repeatedly in the head with a hammer.

It's a light that makes you sick to your stomach.  It's a a garish transformation of the familiar into the horrible. It's awake at 5am with an hour to the alarm and a day ahead full of expectations and nothing but despair to meet them with.  It's unimaginable despair.  It feels like it will go on forever.

Hallpen on Deviant Art

It is simply despair manifest.  How else to describe it?  People throw words around.






Question it and people will say it's relative.  It may just be.  Pain is relative.  How do you argue that?  It doesn't really pay, does it?  Probably best to keep to oneself and find a personal solution.  A final solution? (Apologies, I won't go there again.  Not really funny at all.  I'm sorry.)

A day of expectations ahead.  To be here.  To go there.  To face the world in gratitude and appreciation for all the blessings and gifts.


1 comment:

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