Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Question & Answer

There are years that ask questions and years that answer ~ Zora Neale Hurston - Their Eyes Were Watching God

I guess I'm still trying to sort this one out.  It may end up being a year that fits the bill on both ends.  I might have thought all years were like that, asking questions and delivering answers, but that's clearly not the case.  I still lean towards it only being a matter of listening or not but I'm going to go with the above wisdom for now.  This year, 2016, seems to be a year that asks questions.  Perhaps there will be an answer key in that long week between Christmas and New Years, when perspective comes into focus for me.

Perhaps not.

Old heartbreak.

New love.

Closing doors.

Opening doors.

Poor again.

Alone again.

Not alone again.

Still poor.

Smarter than ever.

More questions than ever.

It is a humbling proposition to wake up in one's middle age when presumably there would have been more answers and things might have been more settled, but then nothing could be further from the truth.  I'm trying to see it all as a new freedom, having been liberated by constricting ideas and ideals, and misconceptions and half-truths.  It may yet be a question of being bound by fear so it's more like seeing open space before me, but not being entirely free to cut loose and run forward.  There are thousands of quotes on fear, and freeing oneself from fear.  There are mountains of inspirational messages and they amount to little until the ties are cut and you fall forward into space.

Well slept this morning, but still tired.  Where does the mind travel during sleep that you can wake up still exhausted.  There were vivid dreams and I can recall waking up at 4 am or I believe it was 4 am and that I was awake, and I said to myself that I should write something down that I had just experienced.  Then I didn't so it's gone now, back into whatever corner of my brain it came from.  Maybe it will return.  Maybe not.

Some years ask questions.

I have questions.

How did I get to be this age before I was ready?

Where will I be next year at this time?

Does it matter?

If not, what does matter?

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