Wednesday, May 25, 2016
Double Double Yellow & Other Blurred Lines
Last night's insomnia question, "What happens when you tell someone you may go a long way away for a long, long time and they tell you what a great idea it is?"
I'm laughing, kind of. The response is rather a confirmation that "yah dude, your life is really proper fucked here so if I were you I would jet."
It's funny, kind of, but of course the line between "that's positive forward movement and productive thinking," and "get the fuck out of here while you can still stand up" happens to be blurred on a day where one has been blessed with sleep. On a day when one has not, the previous night, had much time to recharge, life can be wobbly.
The fact remains though that it was presented as a serious thought and not a dare, so it's all good. The moments of insecurity came in the context of little quakes of fear, or aftershocks. The came framed in an earlier realization that there is no longer anything tying me in place, so options are wide open. It's at once terrifying and liberating. There is very little more unsettling than the prospect of change, whether the change be small or large.
7 percent of the volunteers in the Peace Corps are over 50 so it's not an unreasonable notion, and at this point in my life it's a consideration born of possibility and not flight.
Absence of a reason to run or a reason to stay put is an interesting place to be.