Monday, February 25, 2008

Poultry/paltry Politicks and Social Commentary

The Letters to the Editor That Don't Get Published:

Working in media is often a reminder that we live in a world of rage and confusion. Media outlets like newspapers are often both the target of and the vehicle by which this anger is disseminated--though the latter much less so in these days of Op-iated Ed and misinformation.

My favorite part of the paper has always been the Letters because here is the means by which Joe & Jane Average voice their opinion, and their anger, and their indignation. My experience, however, is that the best letters never see print. Their senders, in their fits of pique, often misdirect their urgent missives and they end up in the hands of assholes like me who take amusement (and sometimes inspiration)in their raw glory. Here are two such letters. I like the first one because it taught me a new word--persiflage--and I just can't wait to use it in conversation--and also because of the term "liberal cock." No explanation needed for that. I'm just immature. I likethe second because I've always wanted a friend named Chi Chi who would come bail me out if I got in trouble. Where are you Chi Chi??? If you're out there... please...
(ed. note: The first sign a lunatic has crossed over into "I've lost my shit" status is apparently that they cannot use lower case letters.)

1) CITIZEN.
Y OUR PATHETIC, HEARTLESS AND AMORAL LIBERAL HONKIES WHO DRAG IN THE ILLSORY CORPSE OF AN EIGHT YEAR OLD POLITICAL FRIENDSHIP ATTRIBUTED TO PRESDENTIQAL CANDIDATE JOHN MCCAIN AS AN AFFAIR IS PATENT JOURNALISTIC PERSIFLAGE. YOU EDITORIAL STAFF HAVE NEITHER WIT, WISDOM NOR CONSCIEN CE.

DON'T GIVE ME YOUR BALONEY ABOUT NEWS ORGANIZATION PROPRIETY AND RESPONSIBILITY, OXYMORONS IN REGARD TO THE SMEAR STORY RECENTLY PUBLISHED ALLTHE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT. YOU HAVE LOST YOUR SENSE OF VALUES. YOU HAVE GIVEN YOUR READERS THE CLAPTRAP OF JOURNALISTIC HUZ'ZAHS AND THE RANSACKING OF A MANS REPUTATION, TO SAY NOTHING ABOUT IMPUGNING HIS HONOR.

YOU GODLESS PHARASEES OF THE NEW YORK LIBERAL ESTABLISHMENT DON'T HAVE ENOUGH GARBAGE TO TILL IN YOUR RAG KNOWN AS THE TIMES THAT YOU MUST SMEAR A CANDIDATE TO BELAY HIS CANDIDACY AND, YOU HOPE, CAUSE HIM TO FAILTO GAIN THE PRESIDENCY. YOU LACK PERSPICACIOUS JUDGEMENT, JOURNALIST INTEGRITY AND FINESSE, HUMAN RESPECT AND GENUINE FAIRNESS IN YOUR PATHETIC SNORT TO DERAIL THE MCCAIN CAMPAIGN TRAIN W8TH YOUR SORRY LIBEL.

YOUR STORY ABOUT A FEMALE LOBBYIST OF THE SENATOR, DISGUISED AS NEWS WAS DISHONEST, A LIE THAT COULD HAVE COME FROM GOEBBEL'S PROPAGANDA MACHINE. THE FRONT-PAGE CONTRIVANCE WAS A TRAVESTY ON HONEST, ACCURATE NEWS REPORTING.

DECEITFULLY PEGGED AS NEWS , THE ARTICLE LACKED CREDIBLE DETAILS, FACTS RATHER THAN INNUENDO, AND CONSISTED OF TRIVIA FROM THE PUBLISHER'S DESK IN WHAT USED TO BE A LEADER IN AMERICAN JOURNALISM, NOW BECOME A SAD AND DESTITUTE EXAMPLE OF SOME, NOT ALL, THE NEWS SUITABLE FOR PRINTING. SURROUNDING THE ARTICLE WITH THE LIBERAL JABBER OF EXPLANATIONS DOES NOT LESSEN ITS HOLOISTIC CUT. YOUR LIBELOUS SCAM OF PUBLICL HONOR DESTROYS YOUR PAPER'S CREDIBILITY. IT TAKES ONLY ONE SUCH WRETCHED THRUST WITHOUT APOLOGY TO DESTROY A PAPER'S REPUTATION. YOU DELUDE YOURSELVES, YOU LIBERAL COCKS, IF YOU THINK YOU ARE LEADERS IN THE NOBLE AND NECESSARY PROFESSION OF JOURNALISM;. (name withheld)

2) HAHAHAHA I BET SOME WERE VERY HAPPY ABOUT THE....

POSSIBILITY I WOULD NOT BE HEARD FROM FOR A WEEK....AND OTHERS ARE THINKING, HERE IS THE MANIAC AGAIN. FIRST OF ALL, I NO LONGER HAVE THE NEED TO PROVE ANYTHING TO ANYONE FOR I KNOW MY GREATNESS THROUGH AND THROUGH ONE OF THE PROUDEST GAY MALES IN HISTORY SO FAR, WITH MANY MANY TO FOLLOW, WAITING AND LURKING IN THE SHADOWS JUST WAITING FOR THEIR DAY AND THAT DAY IS NOW YOU MORMON AND REPUBLICAN TIE WEARING PASTY WHITE HORD YOUR MONEY SO OUR ECONOMY CRUMBLES LIKE TOAST IN A TOASTER BEING EMPTIED. I WILL NEVER KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT ABOUT MY PEOPLE (THE WONDERFULLY GAY) AND ALL PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY WHO ARE UNDERPAID AND SUFFER AT THE HANDS OF SOME ASSHOLE WITH TOO MUCH POWER AND NO ACCOUNTABILITY). AND AS I HAVE SAID BEFORE, BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED TO ME I CAN DO WHAT EVER THE FUCK I WANT( YOU SAW THE LETTER AND HERE I SIT CALLING THOSE BABY FUCKERS BABY FUCKERS.....(name withheld)

PS BESIDES CHI CHI SAID I CAN DO WHAT EVER I WANT TO CAUSE AS MUCH DISRUPTION TO THE LOT OF YOU I WANT AND SHE WOULD BAIL ME OUT OF JAIL SO I AM GETTING PRETTY BORED JUST SITTING HERE IN MY SAFE HOUSE IN (address withheld) IN CASE YOU FORGOT AS I HAVEN'T RECEIVED A KNOCK ON MY DOOR YET TO TRY TO EXPIDITE ME FOR YOUR ACCUSED CRIME. NOT TO MENTION I HAVE A MONITER IN MY EAR SO YOU WOULD HAVE TO CHOP THAT OFF....AND IF SHE CAME TO COLLECT ME YOU WOULD REALLY REGRET THE DAY YOU DENIED MY CLAIM MORE SO THAN THIS MINUTE WHICH I CAN ONLY IMAGINE MUST FEEL LIKE THE DAY YOU CALLED IN SICK OR PLAYED HOOKY AND THEN REMEMBERED YOU HAD A VERY IMPORTANT EXAM OR APPOINTMENT WITH THE BOSSMAN....THE OH SHIT I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT KIND OF FEELING....SO BEWARE FOR MY HOLY SUBARU BAJA GOES FASTER THAN MOST CARS ON THE ROAD AND THE CATALYST ALLOWS IT TO TOP OUT AT 130(WISH THEY WOULDN'T DO THAT) AND I BROKE MY BUG GAURD AS I SPED THROUGH THE DESERT TO GET MY COMMANDMENT SIGNED BY jerry elison AND THEN WENT STRAIGHT TO THE alpine school district TO SPEAK WITH vernon henshaw WHO LOOKED ME STRAIGHT IN THE EYE WITH THE BEST POKER FACE I HAD EVER SEEN ON A SUPPOSED NON-GAMBLER AND THEN WENT TO THE orem police AND TRIED TO GET A COPY OF THE POLICE REPORT THAT jerrys son in law HUNG UP AS A CONFLICT OF INTEREST(SINCE WHEN IS DOING YOUR JOB A CONFLICT OF INTEREST?) I WISH I COULD REMEMBER THE JACK ASS WHO CALLED ME AND SAID I HAD TO PLACE A VALUE ON MY BALLS BUT I CANT BUT I CAN REMEMBER THE ATTORNEYS NAMES BUT THEN THEY ARE ON THE LETTER AND IF YOU MISSED THAT ONE GOOGLE (name withheld) AND YOU CAN SEE IT THERE..CHI CHI PLEASE? I NEED MY MAN PWEESE?

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Divine Divan & Theater Stuff

Where do I begin?
To tell the story of THE SOFA I'M STUCK IN
The pink, plush weird thing that makes me want to sin
I'm stuck within it from my ankles to my chin
Where do I start?

And if you need some THROW PILLOWS

So I went to see Vagina Monologues this past weekend. It's the last stage production I expected myself to see at all (with the exception of maybe Xanadu), let alone enjoy. I think I expected immature, pop culture faux feminism a la Sex & The City, but it's a world away from that. It was really very touching (no pun intended, clowns).

I'm still processing a lot of it... sex and sexuality remaining somewhat of a mystery, and I don't believe that I'm the only one. I do think it's different for men and women and I know I'm going to blunder horribly if I elaborate on that too much.

The first news story I saw today though was about Lindsey Lohan, ex-child star, America's favorite virgin cum America's favorite celebrity fuck-up, good girl gone very wrong... So she's posed nude and that is apparently a very very big deal! Why is it such a big deal? Why is it such a big deal that any young girl grows up? Or messes up? It's certainly a bigger deal when a young girl messes up. It's on the front page of newspapers around the world. The lead story on every morning news program... This fascination seems so inappropriate. Is it because these young girls steal their sexuality back? Do they have to wrestle their virginity back from world? Is it such a big deal that they end up doing what everybody else does? Grow up... fuck up... clean up... stumble, fall, fuck... maybe even enjoy it? Yes, not only have they been fucking, but they might have even been liking it. A lot. Same as everybody else's mother, sister, daughter... Yes, your daughter will fuck, and she might even enjoy it if she's lucky. (But to back track, are these celebrity girls supposed to be the keepers of the national virginity?)

I've probably already said too much. Vagina Monologues was really good. It was a student production also and it struck me that it is so incredibly brave for young women to stand up there and perform some of these monologues and really take ownership of the stories... and of themselves too really. It was really impressive. I don't know if I could have been that brave.

So I should probably cut this short before I say something off base. It did strike me though that male sexuality is celebrated universally (which does have its own setbacks) and in every culture I know, female sexuality is... well... not so celebrated. And it seems to me that while a man, despite the inherent responsibility of ownership, owns his sexuality and his genitals, women are born with the control in the hands of parents, siblings, the community, the government, their cultural ethos, god, etc... That's a lot of expectation to live up to.

And no, clowns... this is not some epiphany or awakening. Just some thoughts.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Voting Irregularity in NYC

This is a story I missed when I was away last weekend. It's so cute how important stories that should be read end up tucked away in the Saturday paper, which is the least read edition of the week. It seems that there were SERIOUS IRREGULARITIES IN VOTE COUNTING on Super Tuesday in New York City. Every single miscount favored one candidate which would lead any reasonable person to suspect some sort of foul play... yet we march on, and it's not quite March.

I have to ask though... if there was some deliberate attempt to fix the election in favor of Hillary Clinton, who might be responsible? Who would stand the most to gain from her getting the nomination? Her supporters or her foes? Her foes in her own party or the GOP? Who would stand the most to gain by setting something up that looked like fraud? Obama's supporters? The GOP? It's all too convoluted

Those crazy Caucasians

THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE BLOG. It's so wrong it's right.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Castro Steps Down

Castro retiring? I'm going to have to process this for a bit before I comment. The situation in Cuba just seems more complex than the "Castro, right or wrong" argument. I'm highly suspicious of the anti-Castro movement and don't trust that their vision moving forward has anything to do with anything approaching freedom. And I've always asked myself if Cubans suffer because of Castro, or suffer because of the U.S. blockade. Both? Yet it's clear that Cuba needs to move forward.

Friday, February 08, 2008

What the hell is that supposed to mean???

You ever listen to a song, even one of your favorite songs, and wonder, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??? That's happened more times than I care to mention. It's especially embarrassing when it's one of your favorite artists... like Bob Dylan for example. Fortunately there seems to be an universal, unwritten social contract that nobody is allowed to discuss the meaning of Bob Dylan songs at length. You can criticize his voice but be damned, do NOT... I repeat, do NOT question that there are important messages, both cosmic and otherwise in his songs. I do love Bob Dylan though, but don't you dare ask... I possess that universal cootie shield so you're not allowed to ask me why I do.

The folks over at SONGMEANINGS, though, have presented a forum where you can not only get lyrics to songs, but engage in a forum to discuss the lyrics and the artists... anonymously... There is something somewhat subversive about this idea and I like it a lot.

I was very disappointed though that nobody on this site was able to explain the lyrics of Smells Like Teen Spirit to me. Here we have one of the hookiest songs of the last 20 years but who the hell knows what Kurt Kaboom was talking about??? To my middle aged brain, this song has the most inane lyrics since Yes warbled Roundabout's "in and around the lake mountains come out of the sky" garbage. It seems though that Nirvana's biggest fans are as empty as the lyrics to this song. This is the most poignant comment on the subject:

"Did anyone ever notice how the lyrics kind of sound like they're describing a blow job? I mean the bridge about "hello" then "how low?" The chorus about how with the lights out its less dangerous, the last word libido. Especially the last verse about "why I taste", "it makes me smile" "I found it hard it was hard to find oh well whatever nevermind" hmmm... other hints all through the song, but I don't know it was just a thought. Nevermind..."

Okay then...

In any event, SongMeanings is kind of addictive so be warned.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Hello George? It's me, Mohandas.


What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?

Mohandas Gandhi

Friday, February 01, 2008

New Poetry Forum!!!

Hear ye! Hear ye!

New poetry forum on line in the form of THE FOX CHASE REVIEW. Thanks to poet, G Emil Reutter and the Mad Poets Society for providing this forum and for including yours truly. I'm truly humbled and flattered to be included with these other folks and to be a part of this. So thanks, George, and everybody else too. This is really cool and I'm absolutely tickled.