Friday, August 31, 2007

Oh come on now!!!

THIS STORY bugs me. While sex in a public toilet is pretty gross, should this guy lose his senatorial seat? Or any type of job? He's a Republican--surely there has to be a better reason. And consider he was arrested solely no the evidence of one policeman who claims the Senator "nudge" his foot and put his hand under the stall to lure him for sex. The officer claims to have arrested 12 other men in the same bathroom for similar "offenses." I don't know... whole thing seems odd to me. The Minneapolis police must be pretty bored if they've assigned a guy to an airport bathroom. And the arresting officer, in other reports, says he's frustrated that the Senator Craig is lying now about it now. He says he knows what he's doing and he's good at his job. Hmmmm, perhaps he's a little too proud of his ability to attract men in public toilets? Maybe he's feeling a bit pissy and rejected....

All I know is that it's a shame that in 2007, the cops are staking out public toilets to prevent consenting adults from having sex. This is coming across as a high profile witch hunt to me. This story has been all over the place for days also.. every newspaper webpage, 2 different TV news networks. The Minneapolis police gave up the arrest interview to ABC!!! What's the real agenda here?

I hate to defend Larry Craig, given his voting record. If he's going to be prosecuted, let it be for war crimes with the rest of the Bush Cronies... not for this sensationalist, homophobic crap.

Thursday, August 30, 2007



Real R&B

Okay, call me old fashioned, or just call me old, but when I want to hear real r&b, I'd rather hear Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings than just about anybody else that's recorded after the mid-70s.

Insert Linda Richman voice here: Contemporary r&b is neither rhythm nor blues. Discuss! Go ahead. Talk amongst yourselves. This Sharon Jones... her voice... it's like butter. It hits me right in the kishkas!

Group Intervention?

It appears I'm jumping on the bandwagon by furthering the Winehouse Whinging. This little post here from the Guardian is sort of interesting though. Not thoughtful interesting... stupid and kind of weird interesting. Some of the blog responses are interesting.

A very wise person said to me the other day, "Been listening to earlier Amy Winehouse. It's really good stuff. Too bad she won't be alive very long." That's pretty much where the story begins and ends with me. Talented girl. Good records. I wouldn't mind seeing her perform live but probably never will. Lots of ink and pixels about her though. Probably as many articles about her as album sales. Someone will blame the media if she kicks off. I don't know if I believe that.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


He had a pretty good run, I suppose.

Monday, August 27, 2007

The way young lovers do...

I kissed you on the lips once more
And we said goodbye just adoring the nighttime
Yeah, thats the right time
To feel the way that young lovers do

Okay yeah, but it didnt happen quite like that because who knows why really. I definitely would have but could have sworn when the last time I saw her and went to kiss her good night I got the polite cheek. It's not that I'm bashful but it seemed important to me that she want it as much as I did. That might have been difficult. But she asked me why I hadn't and I answered, it's just never seemed like the right moment.

So we've finished dinner and it still didn't seem like quite the right moment, or maybe I'm just thick (here come the wisecracks). We're walking down the avenue and I'm flapping my jaw doing just about everything with my mouth other than what I want to do... looking for that right moment and too keyed up to realize I'm talking right through at least a dozen of them. Then she does the coolest thing as we're stopping at an intersection... over my roar, which is no small accomplishment, she says MacGregor you are talking complete rubbish...and I really was... and she steps in front of me and turns around to face me, looking up at me, hands in her pockets. She made the moment. There was nothing else I could do, but kiss her.

The whole thing hit me like a train... really the coolest, sexiest thing a woman has ever done to me. I was so blown away I had to remind myself to breathe. We stood in the middle of the street for quite some time... pretty much my favorite first kiss.

Many thanks to Gustav and Van for the visual aids here...

Friday, August 24, 2007

Hail Mary! Penance can be FUN!!!!

As if there weren't enough kinky bondage imagery in Christianity, just HAVE A PEEK AT THIS!!!!

The must see is the "store."

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

We don't need another hero...

How about just a real hero, like one that isn't... well, LIKE THIS ONE!!!. Sorry, dudes, but it was weird enough when they did the same thing down in Philly years back.

And speaking of weird, someone tell me that the temperature didn't read 56 degrees when I woke up this morning. Am I still in New York City? Is it August? Oh wait... the forecast says it will be back in the 90s and rancid by the weekend. Forget I said anything.

Sometimes the Gods of Weird News are just too kind. Evidently, WHAM has been outlawed in Newcastle. If only they could have done this in the 80s it may have spread worldwide! I say, lets go for Kajagoogoo next, and then ABC... But I guess without acts like Wham, fans of the Cure and the Smiths wouldn't have anybody to feel cooler than... Oooooh yes!!! I said it!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

The Knitters: The Modern Sounds of...

Nothing modern sounding about The Knitters but that's sort of the point. John Doe/Exene Cervenka harmonies, Dave Alvin on guitar... you really can't go wrong, provided you like country western, and they do play both kinds... Country AND Western. Put a big stress on Western. This album is so Bakersfield it's got Buck Owens' Nudie Suit all over it. It's a lot of fun, like I said, provided you like country & western. This sounds NOTHING like X, a bit closer to The Blasters but not really. It's also very thankfully as far from what Nashville is churning out these days as a reggaeton record.

Now someone correct me if I'm wrong, BUT, the sticker on the outside of this disc said this is the first record by The Knitters in 20 years. I was under the impression that they never released a full length album before--my impression was that their one release was a cassette only EP.

Anyway, this is a really good album. I passed over it in the store yesterday, and then thought better of that and bought it on the way home. Totally worth the second thought and the money.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Reunited and it feels so good...

After a month... back as it should be....

Union Carbide Productions: In The Air Tonight

I got pretty jazzed a while back when Intellectual House of Pancakes announced that this album was being re-released. It took me a while to find it but it came this week and I've been twisting and doing the shing-a-ling to it since popping it in How does one describe the forerunner of The Soundtrack of Our Lives? Try to imagine, Glen Danzig meets Black Flag meets the Stooges meets Captain Beefheart... psycho loud hardcore electric blues. A great punk album.

I'd only had a cassette of this for the longest time and I played it until it stretched out and wrapped around the guts of my deck. So nice to hear it again... well no... nice is when your grandmother kisses you on the cheek and gives you a hug. But this feels good...

Friday, August 17, 2007

Brian Jonestown Massacre: Take It From The Man

The most fucked up thing about being fucked up like Anton Newcombe of Brian Jonestown Massacre is that it dooms albums as great at this one to obscurity... but that's tied with the fact that Anton Newcombe will always be as famous for being nuts as he is for being an amazing songwriter/musician/performer. Yes, I know I tend to speak in superlatives but it's only because certain things blow me away. This album is one of them.

The Bevis Frond: Vavona Burr

This one falls under the category of favorite semi-obscure albums by favorite semi-obscure bands. Nick Salomon has been recording either solo or with various regulars under the moniker The Bevis Frond for a couple decades now. There is nothing I can say for this guy that Vavona Burr doesn't say better. It's just a ridiculously good rock and roll record in every sense of the term. It's not even considered his best... though my favorite on the merit of songs like Couldn't Care Less, Coming Down On You, or Almost Like Being Alive. It's sort of a lost classic even as far as lesser known artists go.

Happy Birthday Marcus Garvey

big up to CelticGods for forwarding this from the Jamaica Observer today:

Launching the Black Star Line
'.Even if we had to float it in an ocean of human blood'

Friday, August 17, 2007

TODAY marks the 120th anniversary of the birth of Jamaica's first National Hero Marcus Mosiah Garvey. In commemoration of the event, we publish excerpts from a speech by Garvey which was originally published in his Negro World newspaper on November 8, 1919, celebrating the launch of the first ship, the S S Frederick Douglas in the Black Star Line fleet. The speech was submitted as "Government Exhibit 27" and used against Garvey at his trial on trumped up mail fraud charges in the United States. The Observer publishes these excerpts culled from the Garvey trial notes, courtesy of the Jamaica National Heritage Trust:
"Fellowmen of the Negro Race, greeting. Today I write to you with a heart full of gladness, because we have achieved something for which every Negro should feel glad. We have launched the first ship of the Black Star Line, the S S Frederick Douglas. We have done it through an opposition that has no parallel in race achievements.

When we incorporated the Black Star Line Steamship Corporation, we were told by a few white men, supported by a large number of Negro traitors, that we could not do it; that we could not float a ship. First, they said that we hadn't the ability to float a ship; next, they said that the people would have no confidence in us to buy shares in our Corporation to make it possible for us to buy a ship. So as to back up their declarations, they organised themselves into groups to oppose us, but with the grim determination of death, we made up our minds that there would be a Black Star Line, even if we had to float it in an ocean of human blood.

Today we are glad because we have floated the S. S. Frederick Douglas, the flagship of our Merchant Marine, but there has been no shedding of blood, so as to make the launching a possibility. On the contrary, some of our bitterest opponents have confessed to their defeat, which confession is good for their souls, because it will, no doubt, make them better men.

On Thursday night, the 30th of October, 15,000 of us assembled in the Madison Square Garden, and thereby demonstrated by our actions that we were ready and willing to back up this great commercial enterprise with our money and with our very lives.

The meeting we held on that night was the largest ever staged by Negroes in any part of the world. We were able to convince the white race that we were in earnest, and apparently for the first time they took us at our word. The big white dailies have paid us glowing compliments in this, our achievement, for which we thank them."

. The Mission of the Black Star Line

Marcus Garvey appeals to blacks to support commercial enterprise

"FELLOWMEN of the Negro Race, greeting. To you I appeal today for support for the greatest Negro movement in the history of the world. Wherever you are to be found, in America, Canada, South or Central America, the West Indies or Africa, this call is made to you.

Just at this time the Universal Negro Improvement Association of the world, representing 4,000,000 Negroes, is pushing an universal drive to help the Black Star Line Steamship Corporation to put through a line of steamships to trade between American, Canadian, South and Central American, the West Indian and African ports carrying freight and passengers.

This corporation has had a hard fight to defeat the enemies of the race who have endeavoured to crush the rising commercial and independent spirit of our people. It is, therefore, incumbent upon each and every member of the race to do his and her bit in helping to put through this great commercial enterprise, and thereby give the lie to our enemies, who declare that the Negro cannot do anything for himself.

The first ship of the Black Star Line was inspected at 135th street and the North River in New York City, Sunday, September 14, by fully four thousand members of the race. This ship that is to be re-christened the Frederick Douglas, will be ready and will sail from New York on the 31st of October as the property of the Negro people of the world, purchased through the stockholders of the Black Star Line Steamship Corporation.

This corporation needs $80,000 more to make it possible to clear the ship of all encumbrances to sail on the 31st of October, and I am here appealing to every member of the race to do his and her duty now; and right now. Every Negro must buy shares in the Black Star Line Steamship Corporation, of 56 West 135th street, New York City. Any Negro after the 31st of October not a stockholder in the Black Star Line Steamship Corporation will be worse than a traitor to the cause of struggling Ethiopia, for in this effort to free the race economically, our ancient foes are lined up against us, and for any Negro to stand off and allow the few of the race to fight and win out in this great struggle would be action no less than a crime.

The Negro race has served the other races for centuries, and the time is now when we should serve ourselves. The shares in the Black Star Line are sold at $5.00 each, and each person can buy from one to two hundred shares and make money. The capital stock of the corporation will be increased in a very short time, which will mean that the par value of the stock will go up. Buy your shares today and you will make money in the next few months. The Black Star Line Steamship Corporation will own and control steamships to trade to all parts of the world. The corporation will offer employment to thousands of our men and women.

Surely at this crucial time, when the race is on trial, no one will desert the ranks, but all of us will stand together and present to the world a merchant marine fleet owned and controlled by the Negro peoples of the world.

If you have five hundred dollars to invest for profit, then invest it now in the Black Star Line. If you have four hundred, three, two, one or fifty dollars, twenty-five, or ten, call or write to the corporation and send in your application for shares with your money.

A greater and more prosperous day is in store for the Negro, but he himself must so act today, as to assure the good things coming. Fellowmen, I implore that you be true at this time. Remember, the 31st day of October will be the day of triumph or defeat for the Negro, and every man and woman after that date will either hold her head up in pride or hang it in shame.

The call is for action, now or never. Feeling sure that you will answer this call. With best wishes, Yours fraternally, MARCUS GARVEY - Pittsburgh, Sept. 25, 1919."

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Thirty Years and Counting

Yep.... as of today, Elvis is still not back in the building, so I'm just guessing, but I'd say he's dead.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Dave Alvin: King of California

This is my favorite of the Dave Alvin solo albums, mostly because of the songs. The majority appear elsewhere in the Blasters, X, or solo catalogs, but in some cases I like these the best. This is the tracklist:

King of California
Barn Burning
Fourth of July
Goodbye Again
East Texas Blues
Every Night About this Time
Bus Station
Mother Earth
Blue Wing
Little Honey
I Won't Be Leaving
What Am I Worth
Border Radio

Standout tracks: King of California, Fourth of July (previous from the X album of the same name), Goodbye Again, with Rosie Flores (if for no other reason than the lyrics--I saw your new love, she looks a little like me/She's just like an angel, if that's what you mean--holy crap that breaks my heart!!!), Blue Wing (a Tom Russell song), and a more bluesy version of Little Honey. All in all it's a beautiful album, provided you like folksy sort of country blues. It works for me. Makes me nostalgic for places I've never been. Border Radio is stripped down to a slow lament. Still prefer the original on this track but it's a totally different song done this way.

**** My favorite Dave Alvin solo track is Dry River from the Blue Blvd. album...

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Warren Zevon -- Learning To Flinch

This is one of the those albums that I have a strange affinity for. Live albums are rarely an artist's best and this is really no exception. It is, however, his most different. The story is (as legend has it) that a tour was planned and money ran short ahead of time so he toured alone. The performances are culled from multiple nights in multiple venues about the western world... they're all pretty solid, but it's definitely weird to hear them like this, with just him accompanying himself on guitar or piano. The end result is the elements of the songs which are stark and bleak (every Warren Zevon song?) are utterly exposed, like raw nerve endings or a scrape. The recording is also very forward and bright, furthering that effect. It's all friggin' stunning and beautiful, if not always the easiest to listen to. Choice performances: Hasten Down The Wind, which comes off even lonelier than the original; The Indifference of Heaven... heartwrenching; Poor Poor Pitiful Me sounds like it's being wrung out of him; Definitely my favorite though (it was always one of my favorite Zevon songs) is Splendid Isolation. Everything that was wickedly cynical and funny in the original is just laid bare... out there. You really get a sense that sometimes it must have really hurt to be Warren Zevon. Anyway... the lyrics, just for kicks:

I want to live alone in the desert
I want to be like Georgia O'Keefe
I want to live on the Upper East Side
And never go down in the street
Splendid Isolation
I don't need no one
Splendid Isolation
Michael Jackson in Disneyland
Don't have to share it with nobody else
Lock the gates, Goofy, take my hand
And lead me through the World of Self
Splendid Isolation
I don't need no one
Splendid Isolation
Don't want to wake up with no one beside me
Don't want to take up with nobody new
Don't want nobody coming by without calling first
Don't want nothing to do with you
I'm putting tinfoil up on the windows
Lying down in the dark to dream
I don't want to see their faces
I don't want to hear them scream
Splendid Isolation
I don't need no one
Splendid Isolation
Splendid Isolation
I don't need no one
Splendid Isolation

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Glossophagia Goes Classical

Or Romance, as the case may be....
Dorian Recordings DOR 90117
Mussorgsky: Pictures At An Exhibition
(transcribed for organ and played by Jean Guillou)

I must admit that my knowledge of "classical music" wouldn't fill two sides of a leaf from a steno pad. Orchestral music has always seemed a distant planet to me. While I know scores of pop, rock and jazz musician (pun intended har har) I can count the classical musicians I know on one... Um... I don't know any, unless you include my son who can do a really cool mix of Fur Elise with Watermelon Man on an electric keyboard.

I knew nothing of Mussorgsky outside of Emerson Lake & Palmer doing Pictures At An Exhibition--say what you will but I learned more about classical music from those guys than from anybody I spoke to personally--case and point: Had a neighbor that wrote for Folio and had a killer system. When I referred to Pictures as "classical" he nearly had a fit: ROMANCE, ROMANCE ROMANCE ROMANCE NOT CLASSICAL!!! JESUS!!!

The recording noted above, I picked up because I had really enjoyed ELP doing Pictures and this Stereophile write-up said this version, transcribed for pipe organ, was one of a kind and a must listen for bass nuts... I figured... that's me! I've since heard a couple other more traditional recordings but this one is still my favorite... It's just really fun... like a more grand version of Baby Elephant Walk. And for those of you who only listen to music on shelf systems or IPods... man... don't bother, but this is just the coolest recording. It totally twists my brain. So much fun... I've owned it for since the late 90s now and it's totally gotten me into pipe organ. Magical instrument.

Happy thoughts...

My apologies for spending too much blog time with my focus away from THINGS THAT ARE COOL and on THIS KIND OF CRAP and assorted other stuff that THAT IS PAINFUL TO LOOK AT. I seem to have lost balance here. I can't say I'll never use this space to vent but nobody needs me to tell them that lots of stuff sucks. So, it's time to share some cool stuff. Stay tuned.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

This is the modern world

THIS IS THE NEW FACE OF GOVERNMENT. Those rights you thought you had? Forget them. They don't exist. This article happens to be about England, but it's already been done here. Witness protests in New York City, San Francisco and Seattle in recent years. They've upped the ante for dissent. Protest = Terrorism. And the west intends to teach others about freedom?

You have the right to free
Speech as long as youre not
Dumb enough to actually try it.

Friday, August 10, 2007

An emotional truncheon swing:

A belated R.I.P for punk, and the revolution in general. I will admit with no shame that I once believed we were changing the world. Maybe we were, but foolishly believed it would last.


R.I.P. Tony Wilson, the man behind Factory Records.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Drug Warnings

Crashed on the sofa in a state of half sleep, I'm listening to a TV ad for Mirapex and it's applications for treating Restless Leg Syndrome... I always perk up for the side effects warnings at the end of these things, looking for fun stuff like brain tumors and bleeding assholes. Seems that aside from possible dangers of driving and operating heavy machinery whilst taking Mirapex, you may also develop symptoms like compulsive gambling, eating, drinking and SEX MANIA... nice one, eh?

So I got up and Googled Mirapex side effects and came up with some particularly sordid if apocryphal tales of losing the family fortune at the race track and losing families because of extraordinary demands on one's partner for sex!!! Great stuff... From Restless Leg Syndrome to Restless Genital Syndrome.

The Good Ol' Days

Remember the GOOD OL' DAYS when you had to be famous for your music BEFORE you became FAMOUS FOR YOUR DRUG PROBLEM?

Ah, was I ever that young???

China Crisis

Just a thought--In recent days we have seen recalls of pretty much every type of food or consumer product manufactured in China. We've been deluged with stories of bootlegged pharmaceuticals and such. Is all this for real, or is this part of a concerted effort to stem a Chinese economy that we don't have the ability to compete with? In other words--are we playing dirty in a trade war? As I said... just a thought. We were real anxious for China to turn capitalist, and now we seem desperate to stop them.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007


Today is oral surgery day. Even easy words are going to be a little tough to gnaw on for a bit.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

I'm Young for My Age

Because UNLIKE MOST ADULTS I prefer liquor for my drinking binges. Of note here: A binge drinker is defined as anybody who has at least on one occasion in the last 30 days, had 5 or more drinks in a sitting. I'd like to know what prohibitionist group came up with the criteria for this.


BUT HE LOVED MUSIC!!!! How bad could he have been???

State of the Union

My original intent was to write up some pithy state of the state of the union essay, but then I read the news and figured, who am I kidding???

Sunday, August 05, 2007

What passes for news...

I had it in my head that I was going to sit down this morning and write something about sexist double standards in the reporting of celebrity burn-outs. Why is it that young female celebs are the subject of so much more scrutiny then their male counterparts who seem to spiral down the shitter at an even greater pace and regularity? That question for another time because I do want to get to that--I was appalled this week to find myself in the company of a bunch of men my age who seem to know way too much about Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears and have really strong opinions on the "moral character" of these young ladies.

With all that in mind I sat down to dig up some cool background links on the above topic and found THIS EDITORIAL which asks the bigger question. How does this crap end up being the big news stories of our time???

This line from the editorial, dripping sarcasm, sums it up, if you don't want to read the entire piece:

We’re probably bored as a nation with all that “important” stuff.

Give us drunk starlets and dog-fighting quarterbacks.

Now that’s stuff to get upset about.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Blessings: Bina Shah

By Bina Shah
Alhamra Publishing

I didn't know really what to expect with this, except that I'd read rough drafts of a couple of the short stories that comprise Blessings. My experience with South Asian literature isn't enough to fill a page. My experience with Bina Shah is hours long conversations with a funny, charming young lady with a Mid-Atlantic States accent, a big, warm smile and an affinity for cable TV and pop culture. That made Blessings a new experience for me both in a literary sense and on a personal level.

In its entirety, Blessings is a geographical, emotional and spiritual travelogue tracing the Pakistani diaspora from the war torn north of Pakistan (Angel of Jalozai) to the slums of Karachi (Blessings), the U.K and Ireland (The Last Train, Bono's Daughter) to the U.S. (Remembrance) and points between. The difference for me, is that this is my first experience seeing these place through the eyes of narrators who weren't American or European and white seeing and experiencing through their experience. Consider a story like The Sheltering Sky and how it resonated because the narrator was not from where the story was set. The tales in Blessings resonate at least partly because the narrators are from these distant places, or are as foreign to their settings as I may be to a place like Peshawar.

There are certainly pauses in the culture collision. A story like Funland could have as easily been set in any rundown coastal town and been no less compelling. 1978 as well--could have been anywhere--any family. Remembrance could hit home for anybody who has ever felt a bit out of step with their surroundings for any reason.

And Blessings certainly resonates for more than cultural differences--there are moral quandaries, ethical dilemmas, coming of age stories and touching moments that transcend any differences you can come up with. They're honest, real, and often bittersweet. Good stuff...

My copy has an autograph and a personalized inscription... eat your hearts out. Might put my goofy kids through college if this girl would just go ahead and get famous already!!!!

Mining the 70s--The Specials

Goddamn I loved these guys. As their cover of Dandy Livingston's "A Message to You Rudy" is a timeless classic, excerpts of Too Hot (Prince Buster) are the first words that stick in my head when NYC weather breaches the 90 degree mark:

Too hot, this town is too hot
Now they're calling for their guns
About to spoil the rude boys' fun
But rude boys never give up their guns
It's too hot

No man, can tell them what to do
Pound for pound, they say they're ruder than you
They are the boss, and no back down
You might have a couple you like
Choose your burial sight
Take insurance, make up your will
Come out and tell them, find them

The soldiers came back to you without them
The police force are afraid, they can't even touch them
They say "You think you're bad? Why don't you come out yourself"
These boys are calling for a fight, fighting tonight they don't lie
It's too hot

Too hot, too hot
Too hot, too hot
Too hot, too hot
Too hot, too hot

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Great band names

TOXIC WHALEMEAT would be a great band name, even if you wouldn't want to find it in your child's lunchbox.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Corner Stores In The Middle of the Block

That Urban Look
Poetry By BLUE

Nearly three decades on the NYC subways and it was the first time I ever saw somebody selling a book. I've seen pretty much everything else being hawked, sold or handed off over the years, and I've pretty much bought everything there is to buy on the subway... But this isn't a confessional. It's a book review, sort of. Yes, I bought a book.

The F train had just crossed under the river and a fellow changed cars at East Broadway and came on selling books, one of which had his likeness on the front. By the time BLUE had change cars again at Delancey, I had purchased a signed copy of his book of poetry. I was about 20 pages in by 34th Street and burning though it.

Like anything else you buy on the subway, from dope to bootleg Duracells, you never really know what you're going to get. You're taking a risk. Nothing bootleg about this volume of poetry though, and more like the Eveready Bunny than the phony copper tops, it keeps on going. BLUE was worth the risk. Mix journalism, philosophy, love, lust, NYC urban grime, southern comfort... that will bring you closer to what he's about. On top of that the guy can really turn a phrase.

So in all, the best 10 bucks I ever dropped in the tunnels. You can order at POETRY IS ALIVE, if you don't happen to be a subway rider.

Greg Simpson

This was kind of cool, from the Simpson's movie website.


I don't even know how to describe THIS VERY COOL DEVICE but I want one right away!

Danger Danger Will Robinson

Well, only if Will Robinson is a bartender. ROBO-BARTENDER is here!